{"id":32,"date":"2010-02-07T23:38:48","date_gmt":"2010-02-07T23:38:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/?p=32"},"modified":"2023-06-23T11:03:24","modified_gmt":"2023-06-23T11:03:24","slug":"growing-up-growing-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/?p=32","title":{"rendered":"Growing up, growing down"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"210012_3998680764532_973027622_o\"<\/a>I am finally grounded<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been on this earth long enough
\nThat I feel deeply connected to it<\/p>\n

I see the beauty in all that is physical.
\nEven the part of the picture that is messy.
\nThe rotting, the pain and the death.<\/p>\n

I understand how brief
\nour time is here
\nand because I also understand the Eternal<\/p>\n

I appreciate form from a larger view.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m grounded in my purpose
\nI know that no one can prevent me from living my own life
\nno one can prevent me from giving my own gifts<\/p>\n

\u2026except me.<\/p>\n

I just felt an old fear<\/p>\n

“But, is there room for me?”<\/p>\n

With all the infinite possibilities and numbers of people
\nis there room for me?<\/p>\n

The way I can know if there\u2019s room for me is that
\nI\u2019m here.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m here and there\u2019s space around me
\nso there must be room for me.<\/p>\n

I see that much of my reluctance to be grounded was from the doubt
\nthat there was room for me in the world.<\/p>\n

So by touching the ground lightly
\nNot claiming the physical
\nI seemed to take up less space on this earth<\/p>\n

So now I have a footprint
\nWhat a relief!<\/p>\n

An appropriate sized footprint<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t misuse resources
\nBut I do use resources and I also create resources<\/p>\n

I have a conscious and loving relationship with my physical world
\nI have a conscious and loving relationship with my body<\/p>\n

Every day I feel the earth feeding me
\nand I feel myself as part of that cycle.<\/p>\n

I also feed the earth<\/p>\n

I give myself full permission
\nto enjoy this whole experience of matter<\/p>\n

I love to play with clay and sand
\nto touch it, to come back to a very basic playful relationship with earth.<\/p>\n

For those times when fear comes around I can say<\/p>\n

“Just look at your history”<\/p>\n

Look at the big truth and ask
\n“Have you ever really been without?”<\/p>\n

When I do that I feel the calm of the word “NO”<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never been without – really
\nAlthough it may have seemed that way<\/p>\n

Ask in this moment,
\n“Do you have everything you really need?”<\/p>\n

The answer is always YES.<\/p>\n

Look at the past<\/p>\n

Look at the present<\/p>\n

Look to the future<\/p>\n

Why would you be afraid there won\u2019t be enough for you when there always has been enough, really.<\/p>\n

(thinking of a time when the story of fear seemed real)<\/p>\n

I can see myself in my room as a child
\nThere\u2019s a feeling of
\nloneliness, emptiness, heaviness<\/p>\n

there\u2019s clutter everywhere
\nthere\u2019s a feeling that if I disappeared
\nnobody would notice or care
\nthat it would actually be easier on the whole family if I were to disappear<\/p>\n

\u2026and even from that place, I can also feel
\nmy truer self.<\/p>\n

I can feel her waiting and watching
\nand getting fed by the invisible world
\nand the world of nature
\nthe world of stories
\nthe miniature world.<\/p>\n

The story that nobody would care was drama
\nthat gave me the fantasy, the hope that someone would indeed care<\/p>\n

part of me knew that they would notice
\nthat was the root of the suicidal fantasies<\/p>\n

That they would discover my broken body<\/p>\n

“Oh no!”<\/p>\n

And they would be in despair and guilt and torment,
\n“Why didn\u2019t we notice!?”<\/p>\n

That gave me the excuse to blame them<\/p>\n

“It\u2019s all their fault”<\/p>\n

The Truth was I could have come out more.
\nI could have asked for more. I would have survived.
\nThere were risks, but I could have asked.<\/p>\n

What I understand now is that it’s time to let go of that story.
\nForgive them, forgive myself and move on.<\/p>\n

Grow up.<\/p>\n

I can feel a part of me has been holding out for a parent to come along<\/p>\n

and “grow me up.\u201d<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s not the way it works. We grow ourselves up.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve believed that by staying helpless in some ways (while appearing mature in others) eventually someone would parent me in the ways I wasn’t parented.<\/p>\n

And I see that as I grow up
\nmy son is free to grow up too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am finally grounded I\u2019ve been on this earth long enough That I feel deeply connected to it I see the beauty in all that is physical. Even the part of the picture that is messy. The rotting, the pain and the death. I understand how brief our time is here and because I also […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001002,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,24,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-awakening","category-messages-from-spirit","category-support"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1001002"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=32"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":344,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions\/344"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=32"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=32"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messagesfromspirit.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=32"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}